and then my poor meatball was nothing but....uh...

I think my brain is really turning to mush...in the space of 2 days i have embarrased myself thrice! i managed to call the wrong person demanding that she send me some document that she had never ever heard of, then after the embarrassing discovery of the faux pas,within 5 minutes, i managed to sms the same person for the same document...that was yesterday...today, after dialling a number, i suddenly forgot who it was that i had called...and then she answered! and i still could not remember...

it's a really scary thought that this is me at 26...i'm going to be a real gonner at 60! just from observing my mother, i can pretty much gauge how it will start...the first sign would be mixing up household appliances i.e. "Keep your shoes away...you don't see mine lying around...when i get home i immediately put them into the fridge!...uh...uh...cupboard"...another sign is the gradual loss of common sense...which most of the time happens when it is in any way related to my golden brother who dropped from heaven...when he is sleeping, not a creature should stir, not even if it is to help dad get a towle...scratch that...ESPECIALLY if it is to help dad in any way.In the event that a single ray of light from an errant bulb should fall open his sleeping toe, she would be quick to reprimand "You are so inconsiderate! you have woken your brother up!" - in not too quiet a voice that would eventually wake sleeping brother up...

yesterday i was minding my own business, brushing my own teeth (as opposed to grampy's) in the bathroom when the door was suddenly pried off its hinges by mother who wanted me to answer the phone. It was dad. Through a mouthful of toothpaste i managed to communicate with her that the timing was just not to my convenience and that if she could take a message, that would really be appreciated. She however took this rather personally asthough i were asking her to be my personal secretary! "i don't know what your father wants!!!"and she went off into a tirade before geting back to the phone which my father had long abandoned...

and if my father is any indication of how annoying a person can become with old age...well that is scary too...i actually had to bribe him RM20 to get him to keep quiet until we reached the restaurant! Today as i was leaving the house he called out to me to show me his latest idea to annoy mother. Beaming with pride he showed me the love note he had attached to the measley allowance he had left for her...guaranteed to get atleast a grunt before finding its way to the rubbish bin...parents!

charity begins when people are looking!

as i sit and stare at a young couple shovelling food down their throats with twinkling eyes betraying a romance that seems fueled by their mutual passion for food, i think back on the days when eating in front of a date was a taboo. Excuses like, 'oh, i've eaten already', 'i'll just have a drink' and the like were uttered over the ferocious growl of a stomach crying out in hunger, fighting back the urge to order not only the properity set meal with a dessert but with a tongue itching to enquire as to the existence of a huge set...ah the days when weight did not cling are long gone!

my thoughts are interrupted by the appearance of a skinny man who has just limped up to my table. it seems he had not much luck with the other patrons and thought he would intrude on my special moment with myself to ask for some charity. now, whilst i do believe in helping the less fortunate, most of the time i do not, simply because many a time i have had occasion to doubt the dire state that they are in. but today, this beggar had actually caught me in a moment of for lack of a better way of putting it...pure boredom, and so i proceeded to go through his file with the greedy suspicion of a teacher inspecting her student's assignment for any sign of plagiarism. The file; that people asking for donations normally flash at potential doners, at the speed of light, held pages of gramatically and logically challenged paragraphs on the worthiness of his plight. after taking up approximately 10 minutes of his time, i was still not quite convinced that i should part with my RM5, but upon noticing how he was perched precariously on his intertwined feet, i decided that i would just cut back on the Sunday collection...for about 5 weeks :) Ah...my good deed for the day!

as i was getting wrapped up in my thoughts about me again, i notice in the distance...well at the next table anyway, a lone Chinese man waving at me. i turn to ascertain that i am not the pig in the middle, and find that i am indeed the recepient of this wave. Then suddenly he starts pointing at the crumpled, old magazine that he has clutched with his dirty fingers and calls out for me to buy it. i must look like a sucker! he wants me to pay him RM10 for an out-of-date, dissheveled, disgusting magazine...which i had never ever read in my life! he must have noticed the incredulous look i had on for he decided to charm me into buying it using the Beggar Tactic 001 - Name every priest you spoke to and every person who may have connection with potential doner. And so i sat and listened as every Eurasian surname and every Catholic priest within tha Klang Valley was ticked off on his dirty hands. it dawned on me then that the only way to escape was to once again part with hard earned cash. this time though i peered around cautiously making sure that there were no opportunists around. as i stand to leave he throws a number at me "3918...thank you sister, give you lucky number! 3918 go buy Toto!"...

Hmmm...

THE NEVERENDING STORY

THE NEVERENDING STORY

It was a beautiful night until…
She gave in to herself
Now she reaps what she has sown
And ponders the worth of it…

She remembers a time when she gave her all
And lost herself
And knows she has come a long way…
She has nothing left to give
Now she only takes

Searching for what was lost
An illusion or enlightenment?
She does not know
She cannot find her way there again
The road seems too rough…

Cowardice or practicality
Frigidity or strength
Incapacity for emotion or just numb to the perpetual accusations

Abuse, the result of mistaken honesty
She turns him away
But still he persists
The ringing never ceases
She blocks the unrelenting noise from her firmament of thought
How has she become so cold?

“You fucking pariah! You stupid bitch!
Are you a whore?
If you do not answer your phone, I’ll come over to your house…
I’ll break down your door!”

”Are you stupid!
Answer me? Are you stupid?
You self-centered, arrogant, cold bitch
What the hell is wrong with you!
Fuck religion!”

How did it get so ugly?
Why did it get so dark?
And when did she learn to accept this?
That pierces her cold and guarded heart…

Of cats & men

After listening to him air his dirty laundry in public and deliver his incredibly stupid sermon entitled 'why men just need bimbos', i decided that i would not get angry for anyone who could disgrace themselves with such pronouncements,was certainly not in a state of mind to be reckoned with.

He sat with huge, sad eyes and as usual my instinct to cheer him up took over. It seemed though that no amount of cheering was working. i could have talked all night, smiled until my mouth bled or teared for his sadness until my pupils were dry...there was no way that his frown and pulsing vein on his forehead could subside...then suddenly he lets out a loud yelp, he is smiling...and now laughing...it is his favourite pussy...what the!

'oh, you know how to cheer me up...she always knows when i am upset!' he gushes petting the cat as though he were being paid RM100/hour for doing so. Get a grip man!